Feedback is one of the most powerful tools we have for development, both in the workplace and in our relationships. Yet many avoid giving feedback – out of fear of hurting others, creating conflict, or simply because we don't know how to express ourselves. But what if we instead saw feedback as an opportunity to help others grow? What if we chose courage over comfort?
The purpose of feedback – to reinforce or change
Feedback is fundamentally about reinforcing a desired behavior or changing an undesired behavior. It is a mirror that helps the recipient see themselves from the outside and adjust their course. For feedback to be effective, it needs to be concrete, forward-looking, and above all – come from a place of goodwill.
I-messages – a way to constructive feedback
One of the most common pitfalls in feedback is that we express ourselves in accusatory or subjective terms, which can provoke defensiveness. Here, we can I-message be a powerful tool. Instead of saying 'You are always so negative in meetings', we can say:
✅ "I feel that the atmosphere changes when you express yourself that way, and I would like to understand more about how you see it."
By starting from our own observations and experiences, we reduce the risk of the recipient becoming defensive and instead open up for reflection and dialogue.
SBIBI – a concrete model for feedback that works
A structured method for giving clear and effective feedback is the SBIBI model (Situation, Behavior, Impact, Behavior, Impact). The model is based on the established the SBI model (Situation, Behavior, Impact) from the Center for Creative Leadership and is developed by adding two additional steps to create a more forward-looking and developmental dialogue.
- Situation – Describe the specific situation where the behavior occurred
- Behavior – What did the person do specifically?
- Impact – How did it affect you, the team, or the outcome?
- Behavior – What would you like to see instead?
- Impact – How would it positively affect?
💡 Examples of positive reinforcement using SBI:
"At our last client meeting (situation), I saw that you were really listening actively to the client's needs and asking good follow-up questions (behavior), which made the client feel understood and more engaged in our offering (impact)."
💡 Examples of developmental feedback using SBIBI:
"At yesterday's meeting (situation), you interrupted several times when others were speaking (behavior), which made it difficult to maintain focus and move forward (impact). I would appreciate it if you could allow everyone to finish speaking (behavior), so that we can have a more structured discussion (impact)."
The SBIBI model helps to balance both positive reinforcement and developmental feedback, creating a more motivating and constructive work environment.
The courage to give and receive feedback
Giving feedback requires courage. It is easier to remain silent, let things be, or hope that someone else will bring it up. But true leadership is about having the courage to have the difficult conversations. Courage is also crucial when we receive feedback – to listen without becoming defensive, to be curious instead of feeling criticized.
A study from Harvard Business Review shows that the most successful leaders are not only good at giving feedback – they actively seek feedback themselves. They do not see it as criticism, but as an opportunity to grow.
Feedback and coaching – a perfect combination
Professional coaching helps leaders develop their ability to give and receive feedback in a way that leads to real change. A coach can provide tools to manage the fear surrounding feedback, strengthen the ability to listen actively, and create a feedback culture where development is the focus.
Are you ready to give feedback that makes a difference?
Feedback can change people, teams, and organizations – but only if we dare to give it. So the question is: Do you have the courage to take the first step?
👉 Do you want to develop your ability to give and receive feedback in a way that elevates both you and your team? Book a free introductory conversation with me here and let's explore how coaching can strengthen your leadership.
Feedback is not a risk – it is an opportunity. Do you dare to take it?
