Sometimes we need to pause and reflect on what happens to us humans when we place certain individuals in our surroundings on a pedestal. In this post, I share some thoughts after an introductory quote related to the topic of idealization.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
— Oscar Wilde
You may have heard yourself say it – or thought it secretly:
"If only I could think as strategically as she does..."
"He always has the answers – I’m just fumbling."
"I should be more like my role model."
Looking up to others is natural. Even inspiring. But when admiration turns into idealization, there is a risk that we lose our footing in ourselves.
And that is precisely where the view becomes unclear.
When we lose our inner compass
Idealizing someone can initially feel safe. It simplifies the world: "If I just do as they do – then it will be right."
But in the long run, a distortion is created.
We begin to weigh our decisions against someone else's yardstick.
We filter our strengths through someone else's brilliance.
And then the inner critical voice starts to whisper louder:
"You're not good enough. You don't know. You're not enough."
We diminish ourselves – while we elevate the other to something almost unattainable.
Coaching: Your support to regain perspective
A professional coach meets you without an agenda. Without a pedestal. Without answers.
Instead, coaching helps you to:
- 👁 Make visible where you place your power – and why.
- 🔍 Explore what you value in others – and how it reflects something you also have.
- 🔄 Shift focus from comparison to self-awareness and self-acceptance.
A question that often stirs something is:
"What is it that you see in that person – that you also have, but perhaps do not fully own yet?"
Five ways to stop diminishing yourself
If you notice that you often put others on a pedestal – here are some concrete steps:
- Turn comparison into curiosity:
Instead of "They are so much better than I am", try:
"What are they doing that I can be inspired by – without copying?" - Identify the projection:
Often we idealize the qualities we long to develop ourselves.
What in the other person's way points to something you want to awaken in yourself? - Strengthen your I-message:
Remind yourself of what you already know, do, and stand for. It creates balance.
"I have a calmness in meetings that makes others listen." - Explore what authority means to you:
What makes you feel secure in your own leadership? When do you feel most powerful? - Lower the volume of the critical voice:
The inner critic grows in the shadow of idealization. Coaching can help you hear – but not be governed by – that voice.
A useful model here is to meet the critic with self-confidence:
"Thank you for wanting to protect me – but I've got this."
When you reclaim your authority
Letting go of idealization is not about dismissing others – it's about embracing yourself.
With the support of coaching, you can reconnect with your own leadership. Stand firmer. Speak with your own voice. Make decisions from a place of inner clarity – not outer admiration.
📍 Do you feel that you sometimes look too much at others?
📍 Do you long to rediscover the security in your own leadership?
🎯 Book an introductory session at no extra cost here.
We explore together how you can reclaim your inner authority – and lead more as yourself. For no one else can be you – as well as you.
